Ticking time bomb.

Why hello there, blog! I haven't paid you much mind lately. Soz about that.

Well, well, well...what do I say? Where do I start? My work placement has been going extremely well. I've pattern cut several things already and that funnel raincoat came back. Of course I made mistakes with it, but still it was so lovely to see it made up in the right fabric and ting! Oh how proud I was! It's rather exciting seeing something that you've worked on going to the store!! Well I don't know if it will be dropped or not, but it's still so nice!

Another thing is, I'm so happy I don't need to toile up anything anymore, I just make the patterns and BOOM - Amanda the machinist makes it. Simply lush.

I've moved out of that wretched office, been juggling two jobs, sleeping very little and trying to sort out my current visa situation in the UK whilst still trying to maintain a social life and a relationship. When I lay it all out like that, it's actually quite alot...I haven't really realised the amount I do in a week and how little relaxation I get.

Everything seemed to be looking up and turning quite nice actually - my new house is quite nice, even though I have a small ass room...but it's cosy, bright and it's really growing on me. TOAST has made an offer for a job which is nice....but I'm still waiting for that visa. If I don't get that visa then I can't do anything and have to return home which would really be devastating. For the first time in the past few months, I'm actually cheering up and sorting my life out, but I can't make any long term plans until that decision letter is in my hands.

I can't really accept the job, I can't switch banks, I can get a new contract for my phone or my house until I'm certain I can stay. All of this is properly stressing me out as I'm sure you can imagine...

Another factor about the TOAST job is that I really wouldn't really be able to stay in Bristol because of how little the salary is. Oh Bristol...you're a city I love so much and that I honestly call home. I honestly don't know how moving to Swansea would make me feel...especially now that I've found out that other important bits of my life would basically disintegrate...regardless if I decide to move to Swansea, or not. There's a time limit on everything...I guess on happiness as well.

Why does real life have to be so difficult? Just when you think everything is lovely and good, something crazy comes out of nowhere and fucks everything up.

The real question is...do I move to Swansea, pursue a career in a profession that I've actually gone to uni for and I enjoy and become a work zombie for 2 grand less than I was expecting and have no social life outside of work, or stay in Bristol where eventually is going to go to shit. Do I enjoy what's left of the good times in Bristol and just...ah well. Too much to think about, and I'm not making any sense anymore.

Do I chose a job that was basically handed to me to further my career or do I just like being happy doing fuck all at a dead-end job with a lovely bloke...? I think the answer is staring me in the face but I do like being properly happy for once...

You see what position I'm in. Fucking decisions.